Today started with a trigger. I didn’t see it coming, but was suddenly thrust back in time to… well, a difficult situation.
My day was spent recovering, trying to figure how to deal with such a thing, but also how to pull myself back to Myself.
For me, triggers feel like I’m under someone else’s control (again). I’m helpless in the flow of emotion and reaction.
I’ve been – consciously and unconsciously – trying to find My Things for years, after the original incidents that broke me. And while I’m still trying, I’ve a better idea of what they are.
Is this Thing mine, or in my life because I’m obliged? – is how I sum it up. Other people can contribute Things that I take in, but I essentially have to tell myself, in no uncertain terms, that one Thing is not mine and is not welcome. My Things bring me back to Myself.
Favourite books, movies, music… usually story-based creativity in some way. Crafting in colours that soothe the soul. Finding safe space.
Whatever it is, My Things, that are part of Me, help ground me back to Myself from that tidal wave. Those who caused the original incident are gone. I’m still here. And I feel Myself again, thanks to those mnemonic anchors.
It’s taken me all day to get to this point of writing about it, but that’s an improvement on the months it took after it happened. Progress.
I ground back in Myself and breathe. I keep going.
The Catbox 