It feels as if this is a moment we’ve all been working towards for so long. 2020 has been A Year unlike any other that we’ve known. Time itself has seemed tenuous and changeable, whether elastic or like wading through thick mud. Very little has been certain, day-to-day.
We’re stepping into a new calendar year with even more trepidation than usual, and (perhaps) greater awareness of the weight of what might lie ahead. But also with hope – because that is what keeps us moving on.
I rarely make New Year’s resolutions, as that’s always been a Samhain thing for me. But after some extremely fallow writing weeks, ideas have tapped on my brain to be noted and shared; maybe even looked back on next December.
Moving into 2021, I hope…
To keep rediscovering my strength. Ditto bravery. Fear and weakness can have their time, and then be overcome.
To explore my creativity. Be it fiction in places that I’ve not explored before, or new and intriguing skills. Also…
To allow myself to make mistakes. To mess up, trip up and then pick myself up. It’s all part of the journey. Blame and guilt are not helpful.
To keep speaking my truth, and digging deep when necessary to see what that means.
To allow myself to share more without shame.
To learn to love myself as I am, here and now.
To make and share my own personal magic.
To not give up.
Step, step, step…
Stay safe, friends. Thinking of you all. We’ll see each other again soon.
Years ago, when I was a first-year University student in London, a friend and I travelled into the city to explore. Most of the day was spent in the magical otherworld of Camden Market, but then we decided to head out to Highgate Cemetery.
We were disorganised Goths, though, and in those pre-Internet days, had no way to check times… so when we arrived, it was closed.
To this day, I have never been closer to it than this:
Years later, I’m working at home during a time when the world seems utterly crazy, and I think back to that day.
I think of those people stuck at home due to lockdown – or physical illness, social anxiety, any number of social ills. 2020 has been a year of confusion and fear. Those innocent happy days have been a pleasant memory.
I find myself wondering if/how I can recreate such times. I’m older and (possibly) a bit wiser. The world is still out there. We must tread with more awareness, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I’m pondering what I can do, if/how I can overcome the challenges of 2020.
Samhain is imminent, so this seems timely. ‘Pagan New Year’ means looking back, but also forward, for me. I feel – I hope – that I’m moving from what can I do to combine again with what do I want to do. And then how can I achieve that?
Those University days were lessons in themselves, as we tested our boundaries, away from home for the first time in a strange, new place. I feel as if we’re doing that again this year, but within the new confines of safety measures. This isn’t play; this is serious. We’re isolated for the sake of the wider community (and news reports show how difficult many people find that).
I’ve always been aware of the needs of others, often to the detriment of my own (that’s another story). Testing my own wants, putting toes into the water of ‘Yes, this is something that I genuinely would like to do’ seems revolutionary, and immensely freeing.
I’m actively battling the depression, armed with recent hospital treatment and backed my loving family and friends. I feel hopeful and determined. Even in this year like no other, steps can be taken to move forward.
I would like to go walking in the woods. To explore the secret places, down tiny roads and hidden tracks.
I would like to spend time with those past, in cemeteries or historic buildings. Perhaps the catacombs under Nottingham or the stone circles of Derbyshire Peaks.
I would like to find a decent camera to record these moments, and practice my photography to capture and share.
And back home, as the cold days draw in, I would like to explore my creativity. Maybe to design something with yarn, to actually learn to sew…
I would very much like to add more words to the beginnings of my fiction. To write, so that I can take up challenges that come my way.
I would like to not be scared to do. To be as nervous but excited as I was on that long-ago day. To see where my feet – and my mind – take me.
Let’s make our wishes on this 2020 Samhain. Apart, yet together across the technological community. A deep breath, acknowledgement of limits but still honouring our dreams.
Beltane Blessings, lovely readers. A short post today, as I ponder the turning of the year once again and wanted to share my thoughts.
First of all, please visit here, for my post from this time last year.
Read it? Good.
I’m amazed, looking over it today. Just a short year ago, my life was so very different. I could see the changes on the horizon… now I’m the other side.
I have a copy of my soon-to-be-released first book. I’m self-employed, working professionally as a full-time Druid. I’ve met the most wonderful bunch of people – with more to come, with many rites and events this year ahead (including in other countries). People are interested in what I’m up to, and I’m able to help them in turn. My diary is now filling up into late 2013 (eek!).
I have a new niece, and see my nephew growing up (and my little brother growing into his role as Dad). One member of my animal family is getting older, while the other still revels in his youth. And my partner is strong at my side, blessing me with his presence every day.
Life has changed so completely in many ways, and yet the principles of that original post remain the same. I work hard, to live my truth, to feel my spirituality as part of my life, to consider my actions. It’s not always easy; there are challenges along the way. But I keep moving forward.
Time has passed since last Beltane. What have you accomplished – and what is yet to come?
…
Oh, all right then. Because it’s Beltane – here’s Jonathan Coulton, celebrating the day. Go forth and enjoy!
The Catbox 